So the posting schedule I think I'm comfortable with is Monday - Thursday posts regularly and then adding Friday - Sunday posts as a bonus. So that's what you can look forward to, and I'm sticking to it!
Fat is like HIV/AIDS
Yesterday was World AIDS Day, and I didn't actually know until after I posted for the day. So, this post is in memory of those we lost to the disease as well as those who are living with it step-by-step and day-by-day. Much love to you all!~
Now, on to regularly scheduled programming...
Fat waits for no one. No one has to give it permission. No one has to invite it over. No one has to even talk to it! Fat is the red-headed stepchild that no one wants to be seen with in public.
Why does Fat sneak up on us? There are a couple of reasons -- 1) it catches you with your pants down (you didn't even see it coming) or 2) you weren't being conscientious about your eating habits even though you knew a visit from Fat was right around the corner. Either way, you've got to clean up your life.
If you are so busy with other things that you can't take the time for yourself to see that you are actually unhealthy, that you aren't taking in the best foods, etc. you need to take a step back and take some time for you.
If you just didn't care either way about your weight, have I got a newsflash for you? It's becoming more difficult as days pass by to "justify" being Fat. Not only is Fat uncomfortable, but it's also disgusting, awkward, and just all around unnecessary. The only reason you should EVER be Fat is if you have a tapeworm or some other disorder that otherwise prevents you from being healthy.
Another thing is, Fat is a DISEASE. It's actually very similar to HIV/AIDS. No one dies of HIV/AIDS, they die of complications stemming from the disease. No one dies of being Fat - they die of complications from it - like heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea, etc.
There are only three differences between HIV/AIDS and Fat -- 1) people with HIV/AIDS have access to treatments but no cures, there is nothing they can do to get RID of this disease. Fat is completely avoidable. 2) Everyday people with HIV/AIDS have to live with (or die because of) one bad choice they or someone else made. Everyday Fat people have the choice of making good decisions for their health - it was not ONE mistake that got you where you are, there were MANY. 3) HIV/AIDS is a contagious disease and can be passed to another human by way of certain body fluids. Fat is not contagious. No one put you where you are but you and you alone.
So, on World AIDS Day, think about the fact that you are blessed to not face the illness and all we (myself included) have to deal with is Fat. Pray for the people who have to live with the conditions of this disease. Also, keep up hope for a cure.
Now, what reason is it that you can't put down the food and commit yourself to doing what NEEDS to be done? Do you want to live or die? Each day you get the make the choice while others aren't so lucky.
How to Get Motivated About Losing Weight
So you know that you need to lose weight, but you're having a hard time making the commitment to do so. The first thing to do is step back and looking at the reason you want to lose weight. Is it for health reasons (i.e. you have an obesity-related illness or are on the verge of illness)? Is it for cosmetic reasons (you just don't like what you see when you look in the mirror)? Or, is it for some other reason?
After you determine your real reason for wanting to lose weight, then you should evaluate how important that is for you. For example, if you are wanting to lose weight to look better - what effect will this have on your life? Are you looking for a partner? Do you want to become a model? While the modeling may be a bit outlandish, it's a real concern. There are many people who want "the perfect body". So, you run to Google (or whatever search engine) and pull up a search for "how to get motivated about losing weight". You find this blog, and you're wondering how this girl who deals with her own issues could possibly help you.
Well, some of the best advice comes from someone who has been in your shoes before. It makes my blood boil to hear someone who has never had a fat bone on their body lecture overweight people for being the way they are. That's something you will never hear from me. I will never lecture or belittle or any of the above. Why? Because I believe that if you're going to get motivated about losing weight, you need to be able to rely on someone who will be compassionate to your needs and guide you in the right direction. At times, I may call you out as needed, but please know it will all be done in love.
One thing that will help in your quest to get motivated is to determine what you need to do to get to where you want to be. One particular piece of software I would recommend is a program called myFitnessPal. Be careful, though, because this system will put your business on blast (if you let it). On the flipside, it also tracks your calories intake and burn. It's a pretty neat little gadget - especially for the price, which is $0.
Ass-Backward Society!
We live in a (pardon my French) ass-backward society!
On one hand, we praise the slender - so much so that it drives even those who are healthy size and weight to suffer from extreme eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. We showcase the tall, "skinny" model as the "ultimate woman". This of course leads us to believe that thin is in and anything else is...well, you get the point.
However (and this is where it gets interesting) - we effectively price people out of being healthy. I have many theories about this, but only one of them is related to the blog. It's a form of what's called "population control". Population control is when the population of a species is unnaturally controlled by some man-made concept, idea, or mechanism. Now, that's just Big Girl E's definition, nothing out of Merriam-Webster. I digress, but follow me here...
Unhealthy food options are the cheapest. If you think of the dollar menu at any fast food restaurant, processed foods, etc. On the same token, look at organic food or food at more health-conscious restaurants. Of course, if you can't afford to buy the more expensive foods, you will opt for the less expensive alternative.
The cycle goes: you pay less money and get unhealthy food, you get fat and unhealthy, then you die from some sort of obesity-related illness.
Why do we allow them to keep us down and continue to make it hard to be healthy? Does this make ANY sense at all?
Hi, I'm FAT - How Are You?
So I haven't blogged in a while. I apologize to anyone who may count on inspiration, laughs, tears, etc. from this blog. I haven't been consistent, and most of all I haven't been losing any weight. It was never my intention to deprive you of what you seek in this blog, so I plan to now get back on track (yeah right, she said that before).
The Thanksgiving holiday has passed, and now it's time to re-evaluate. As always, since the last time I posted, I have undergone quite a few changes in life - we moved to another state, I've completely dedicated myself to working from home, and the hub got a promotion at work. On a more fun level, we also purchased the new XBox 360 w/ Kinect and the game Dance Central. I have been doing a lot with that here lately. I don't think it's anything considerable as far as losing weight, but it is a great way to get moving.
During this time, I also have been real with myself. I don't know if you remember the post about my traumatic experience at Six Flags, but I recently had another personal breakdown - this type about clothes. It used to not be so difficult to find clothes to fit me. I would just go into the store, find the plus sized section, pick out something appropriate, and move on. Well, now this involves going to multiple stores, not find anything, and ultimately settling for the first thing you find just because you're just happy you FINALLY found something that fits. Shopping for clothes is NOT FUN when you're FAT! It's a horrible experience that leaves you feeling depressed, unworthy, and just plain bad.
Have any of you experienced this? Do you know what it's like to want SO BADLY to just find a cute outfit -- without spending an arm and a leg? I wear a size 20. I wear either a 2XL or 3XL in shirts depending on the cut -- this is mainly due to have HUGE boobs and no other real choices in the matter. For me to be such a person who loves to take the cheapest route possible, I'm not paying attention to all of the money that being FAT has cost me? I'm not deep into buying name brand clothes, but an outfit can easily cost me $40+. I don't buy bras from Victoria's Secret, yet my bras cost me $35+ -- and what's worse is that's for a granny bra - not a cute bra.
I feel isolated as a big woman in America. As my husband says, "when you're big, you have to be in a box". I used to think that was fine and that I could simply build my own little world inside my box. I could start a clothing store selling fabulous plus sized women's clothes for less. But then it dawned on me - that would be me going out of my way to STAY FAT! Who does that? It's like choosing to keep a life-threatening illness. Then, if I did something like that - I would be nothing more than an enabler. I would make women feel better about being FAT, but they shouldn't feel better. They should feel very uncomfortable because uncomfortable inspires change.
It took me 24 years to learn that...
Push Yourself Beyond Your Limits!
I am truly inspired by other bloggers and people I encounter who are also trying to lose weight. Last night after making my post on avoiding weight loss surgery, I did a quick browse around on other weight loss blogs. Well, these people are VERY SERIOUS about losing their weight. They put my blogging to shame. It's cool, though, because I was started this blog solely to inspire other people - especially others like myself. I'm from the coach potato bunch, but I want to let you know that anything you are thinking about as far as losing weight is concerned - you can do it.
Today, I got back to my 5K grind. I did a 5K walk/run on the treadmill. It took me around 45 minutes. In the middle of exercising, I got an amazing pain on my side, but I kept thinking about those other bloggers, and how I much I would love to share an amazing story to motivate my audience (and gain myself some bragging rights LOL). The last 15-20 minutes of my workout was very painful to say the least, but I maintained, and pushed through. It's truly amazing how good you feel after you have pushed yourself to the brink during a workout.
Here's the pics to prove it (in true Big Girl E fashion):
So here's what I challenge you to do: push yourself beyond what you think are your limits (you don't know your true limits). If you never exercise, join a gym (many have free trial memberships available) and start today. If you usually workout for 15 minutes, try 25 minutes next time. If you can walk one mile on the treadmill, try 1.5.
For anyone who lives in the Metro East STL area, here are some ideas:
*** If you prefer outdoor activities, try Fairview Heights' Longacre Park's walking trail (approximately 1.5 miles) or if you want to REALLY challenge yourself, try O'Fallon Family Sports Park in O'Fallon, IL (trail is approx. 2.2 miles).
*** If you enjoy the support of a group, you may try a Weight Watchers meeting. Your first meeting is free and there is no obligation to join.
If you have any ideas or triumphs to share, please comment below...
Avoiding Weight Loss Surgery (Gastric Bypass, Lap Band, and Others)
If you're considerably obese, weight loss (or bariatric) surgery may be your only option. The purpose of this post is not to discourage you or put you down from going that route. The only purpose is to open your eyes to other possibilities.
You don't have to get weight loss surgery to lose even considerable amounts of weight. A bit of diet and exercise should be enough for most people. Depending on your size and current activity level, it may be best to start out with diet changes until you have lost enough weight and are healthy enough to move around. It's always a good idea to get approval from your doctor before beginning any workout activity if you, for any reason, are unsure whether or not you should be exercising.
Initially, I did want to get weight loss surgery. Actually, I was still considering it even after I started this blog. My mind has since changed, and I'm of the belief that if you are able to move, you should be able to use diet and exercise to get the weight off without medical intervention. Plainly put, except in dire circumstances where there is no other choice, weight loss surgery is a cop-out. I'm sure we all know that anything that's worth doing is not easy. Not only will have you have a sense of pride after you lose the weight on your own, but you will most likely be able to maintain your weight. Even still, if you take the "easy" way out and have the surgery, you may not truly get past the psychological issues that caused you to overeat and gain weight like you have in the first place.
According to WebMD, weight loss for bariatric patients tends to plateau after 2 years. After that, you will enter maintenance mode, and while around 80% of patients are successful at maintaining their new, healthy weights over the course of their lives, what happens if you fall into that 20% that doesn't do so well? Well, there is a possibility that you gain all (or most) of your weight back and either face going under the knife for another procedure or following a diet and exercise plan.
But, I'm no medical expert. Maybe you'll take it better coming from Dr. Phil. He prepared a list of things you should consider before getting weight loss surgery. He says:
"Is gastric bypass surgery right for you? There are many factors to consider before undergoing this controversial procedure. Keep in mind the following advice from Dr. Phil:
Exhaust all of your non-surgical alternatives first.Before you think about going under the knife to lose 100 pounds, try everything that you can to drop the pounds on your own. This may mean a combined program of diet and exercise or visiting a nutritionist. Dr. Phil says, "If you're medicating yourself with food, if you're entertaining yourself with food, if you're eating when you're bored, anxious, lonely, depressed, upset ... if you have a lifestyle that's consistent with overeating, they're going to be there after the surgery." Try to develop alternative coping strategies.
Surgery is not risk-free.Because nurses see so many botched cases of stomach surgery, they have a phrase for it: "gastric bypass gone bad." There are many risks associated with the procedure, such as blood clots, pneumonia, incisional pain — even death. One young guest, Tiffany, spent three days in the intensive care unit due to complications from her surgery. "It's just not a problem-free situation as no surgery is," Dr. Phil explains. "The truth is, there are alternatives."
You have to maintain a lifestyle post-surgery.Understand that if you do make the decision to have gastric bypass surgery, there is an active management plan that you have to execute after the procedure. According to Madelyn Fernstrom, Director of Weight Management Center at the University of Pittsburgh's Medical Center, among the things you have to keep up after surgery is "watch all of your protein, fluid intake, vitamins and minerals for life ... That would be one thing to consider and make sure that you understand all of the ramifications and how difficult it is." Know that gastric bypass isn't just something you deal with for a few months; post-surgery maintenance lasts a lifetime.
Program your life for success.
"Things often start for one reason, but they continue for another," says Dr. Phil. For example, if you were an overweight kid and you ate when you were lonely and hurt, chances are you will continue that pattern into adulthood. "If you don't get a new way of acting, a new way of coping, then you will continue to do it," Dr. Phil warns. You can't eat what isn't there, so you have to clean your environment. You also have to get your thinking right and abolish the old, negative thoughts. It helps to have people in your corner who applaud your efforts to lose weight, so set up a circle of support. "Weight is managed, it's not cured," explains Dr. Phil."
Ultimately, it's your body and the decision is yours. Just consider all of your options and at least try to see if you can lose the weight on your own first. You may be surprised at your own capabilities.
Today was a MAJOR CHEAT DAY!
I went to Ponderosa. I ate out of the buffet. I don't know if it's because I haven't ate a lot of food in a while or what, but it was delicious. I had three plates. I know what you all may be thinking - way to exercise self-control, right? Well, you would be right for the most part. I went to a wedding today and afterward, everyone agreed to go to Ponderosa. So, here I was caught in the middle of wanting to stay home so that I can safely calculate each and every point I eat or go out with the family and enjoy myself. Well, the reality of it is, I will always be faced with these situations. The key is how I react to them. If I overeat (like I obviously did today), I owe it to myself to eat light the next day and work out more than I would have.
Hopefully you grabbed one of the keywords from the last sentence there. OWE. If you remember in a recent blog post, I discussed loving food more than myself. Well, in order to owe yourself something, you have to think that you are worth something. While it's true that I do love food. I can now say I love myself more. That, my friends, is progress.
I won't keep too much of your time on this post because I will be writing something that we all can learn from during the day tomorrow. I just wanted to briefly share that I cheated (and if you do this, it's ok), but I'm growing from the experience and learning who's really in charge (me!).
Talk to you soon!
Weight Watchers Update!
Today I will (for real, this time) keep it short and sweet...
I lost 3.4 pounds last week using the Weight Watchers program! According to their scale, I am now 237.2 pounds. Can you say w00t?!!
For the most part, sticking to my plan has been fairly simple. Simple is not to be confused with easy. It has not been easy, by any stretch. However, it is much simpler than ever before, because I have the support of the meetings in learning the right things to do. So far, the program has been worth the $40 monthly pass that I bought. Plus, I enjoy sharing my triumphs with people face-to-face. So, the good news is that I'm not slacking.
So, I'm sticking to the plan and loosing weight. On top of me changing my eating habits, I also go to the park and walk 2.2 miles at least every other day or so.
It's actually fun this go 'round. Once again, that shouldn't be confused with easy. But, it is fun and the fun makes it all more tolerable.
Well, that's all I got. Til next time, take care.
Love,
Big Girl E
This Weekend!
So, this weekend was amazing. I touched on so many areas of my own personal fitness. I don't have very much time to type, so I will keep it short and sweet.
#1 - I attended the FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous) phone meeting. It really was not my speed. Their focus is to cut all wheat and sugar out of your diet. Granted, this is an excellent focus and will likely lead to future weight loss and overall fitness. However, it's not the change for me. I would go crazy cutting off my sugar and breads cold turkey like that. Plus the call was pretty scattered and everyone seemed a bit rehearsed. That's just my opinion. They say you should try attending the meetings six times before you decide it's not right for you. Right now, I just don't see this being the route I want to take.
#2 - I joined Weight Watchers. Yes, I'm a part of the actual program. The reason I say "actual program" is because I have tried to do it on my own without the meetings and failed each time (I tried 2-3 times before). Now, I will not only have the support of my leaders, but I will also have more accountability to my finances (since there will be $40 coming out each month for the monthly pass). I'm too cheap to let money go down the drain like that. A big plus, though, is that my sister in law joined with me so we will try to attend the meetings together. I think it will be fun for us and let us have some "girl time".
#3 - I had the most vigorous walk in the park so far. My hubby really pushed me beyond what I thought were my limits, but it was a fierce workout, and I can't thank him enough. Sure I whined and complained along the way, but it was really worthwhile - so much so that I lost a pound right afterward. Now, of course he thinks he's the master trainer. He's pretty awesome, and I will give him credit because it's definitely due.
I stuck to my plan today and even sought out what Weight Watchers calls "Filling Foods" so that I have lower points, but I'm getting more full. Of course that results in fewer cravings, and a happier disposition about this lifestyle change I have made.
I know I said I would keep it short, but time flies when you're having fun. Gotta run, but I will keep you all updated. Keep tuning in! TTYL :-)
Quick Update!
Sorry for not posting for a while. I'm still here. I haven't been dieting or sticking to a workout schedule (surprise, right?). I did, however, download MyFitnessPal to my Droid, and I'm going to start keeping track of things very soon. When exactly? I can't say for sure because I don't want to keep setting myself up for failure. But, bear with me as I keep trying.
Here's a comment that I received to my post on Tyler's 344pounds.com site:
"When I’m obese I know the mechanics of how to lose weight, but I haven’t the heart.
Then something in my life will trigger that switch in my mind that is turned on and PRESTO I become motivated and get it in gear.
For Tyler it was the birth of his baby girl. For me it has varied, I have an milestone birthday coming up next year and I don’t want to hate myself for being overweight anymore. I’ve lost 50 pounds since January and my quality of life is much better now, even though I’ll still overweight according to my BMI.
You’re not ready, till you have your heart and mind committed to changing – until then just do your best to be super supportive of your husband!"
This was in response to my complete breakdown on his blog. I think it's very true. I'm obviously not ready, but at the same time, I need a way to clear this food addiction. I'm going to get involved in some Food Addicts Anonymous meetings - there is actually a session scheduled for tomorrow at 10 AM CST. I think I will call in and hopefully get some inspiration. The good news is they have the meetings every single day. So, I think this will be helpful. I will post to let you know what I have learned from the call. The website suggests attending at least 6 meetings before dismissing it. So, that's exactly what I will do.
Thanks everyone for reading, and please bear with me as I work to get myself on the right track!
Six Tons @ Six Flags
The title above was just for fun - FYI :-)
I went to Six Flags today. I haven't been in a while, and boy have things changed. And no, I'm not talking about the rides in the park. The thing (person) that has changed is me. I'm probably about 40 pounds heavier than I was the last time I went.
I have never really felt ostracized because of my weight. I was never ridiculed (at least not in front of my face) about it. As I told the hubby earlier, I was already ready to make a "cheap shot" at myself before someone else did. I would call myself fat or talk about how big I was so that I didn't hear it from anyone else. That way, I was laughing with them about my weight as opposed to be laughed at.
Well, long story short, today while riding some of the rides, it was clear that I was really too fat to be on the rides. I won't name specifics (not now at least), but there were a few where I was not only uncomfortably snug but also barely able to get buckled in. I know a big contributor to that was the size of my boobs (that's a whole 'nother topic of its own), but I've always been top heavy. I haven't always been 240+ pounds. That put a huge damper on my day - all I could focus on was how big I was and how I had no business being there and thinking I could get on any rides. It was incredibly painful, embarrassing, and most importantly - it was a reality check.
I may feel all warm and cozy in my abilities and may even live in denial about what I can and cannot do from time to time. However, the rides don't lie. If you can't fit them, there's no getting around it. You will either still try to get on and risk embarrassment or stand on the outside watching everyone else ride the rides. Either way, you're singled out as the "fat kid".
I've been learning so much about my struggle with weight over the past week or so, it's amazing. I've found that I was living in denial, playing the victim, and not seeing myself at the size I really am. Today, I got a reality check. I'm a big girl and it's a small world. I have to figure out a way to fit in somehow...
Learning to Love ME is the KEY!
Ok, so I know I said I was going to sleep, but I just had an epiphany. I was reading the blog over at 344pounds.com and Tyler was discussing how there is no easy way to lose weight. It takes extreme dedication to the cause. Well, I started commenting about the blog post I just wrote about weight loss being hard. Before I knew it, I completely went off on a tangent (well, a relevant tangent) about the blog post I wrote here and how hard it is. I talked about how I didn't want to give up the "bad foods" that are really good foods to me. Then, I dropped the bomb...
I LOVE FOOD MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF!
Believe it or not, this is not the surprise. The surprise came when I said that I didn't want to let go of the foods I love because then I would be stuck loving me. Those are some pretty strong words. For some reason, I'm afraid to love myself. For some reason, my self-esteem is so low that I can't bring myself to love the one person that I have no other choice than to spend the rest of my life with.
There's something really wrong here, and I think that this is the reason for so many other hiccups in my life here lately. I've got to work on me, and I definitely need to totally cut those "bad foods" out. Why? Because I need to FORCE myself to love myself. As ridiculous as that may sound, it's true. I'm being very real, very open, and very true here. I've got to stop living in denial and start making the necessary changes to stop being afraid to love me.
Ok, for real, I'm going to bed now. I will keep you all posted on my progress.
Trying to Lose Weight is Hard
I'm one of those "weight loss bloggers". So, naturally, you would think that I have it all together like many others out there. I'm far, far, far from together. As a matter of fact, I was near tears the other day talking about the journey ahead. I was in tears because it's HARD. Even though I have a husband who has lost an entire person, it's still hard for me because I'm so scared to let go of the foods I love the most.
I can exercise and even cut back. But, when it comes to cutting out the foods that I love most, I struggle. The other day I did reach my time goal for working out. But, I have been eating like a pig here lately. I really wish I could get down to the bottom of what my food issue is, but for some reason, I just can't. I'm in this body and I can't stop eating those foods. Sure, I know they taste good - but is that the only reason that I can't stop eating? Or is there something deeper there?
It's almost easier to say that I will opt for the gastric bypass surgery, but I will feel like I'm taking the easy way out. I do wonder, though - will I EVER be able to take the "hard way out"?
Just some thoughts....
I'm going to bed.
Yesterday (Aug 10) I Worked Out
...the day before I did nothing.
Typical me would find it much easier to run and hide from this issue. Instead, I'm making it known. Once again, it's all about the accountability factor. If I can't blame myself - who can I blame? I'm not going to dwell on it because there's no point in crying over spilled milk. The best thing to do is just suck it up and move along.
I did a very brief workout yesterday. It felt strange. I only did about 20 minutes on the treadmill and I felt a little beat afterwards. Then again, I haven't worked out in a really long time (about a month) so I've fallen out of the little shape I had been getting into for the month and a half or so that I was working out faithfully.
As you all know, falling off the wagon just makes it harder to get back on when you're ready. I feel like I'm ready, but I hate to try to push myself through the challenge. I'm keeping at it, though, and we shall see what happens. My promise for TODAY: Work out for at least 25 minutes.
Ugh! I Fell Through on My Promise!
Yesterday was not a horrible day (food wise), but it was not a good day either. I did not make it to the gym either (WHAT A SLACKER!). However, I am excited because I did cut down on my portions at dinner. Also, I didn't say last time but I have been drinking mostly water here lately. I know that's a good thing, but I don't think it's good enough.
I do, however, think that it is very good that I am now able to own up to my mistakes and not run into hiding whenever things go awry. I can publicly express my concerns about the struggle I'm having with food addiction and weight loss in general. That's one of the greatest things about Big Girl Diaries. I don't have to sugarcoat anything. And furthermore, I'm no nameless blogger. People who know me personally know that I have this blog because I post the link on my Facebook profile. I have videos on here so I'm not afraid to show my face. I am a real person with real struggles and one of them just happens to surround food.
So now what? I feel through on my promise from yesterday, so what do I do? Well, I can make a promise to myself that today will be better. I refused to continuously dwell on yesterday and what I could have done different because that day is over. Instead, I will trudge forward into today. So, here I go again...
My promise for TODAY: eat healthy portions & go to the gym or go walking.
I'm Back After Over a Month of Slacking!
Well, quite a bit has unfolded in my personal life. Career changes, living arrangement changes, relationship changes, friendship changes, and pretty much anything you can imagine. You name it, I've lived through it in this short amount of time. Actually, there's one thing I haven't changed - my WEIGHT!
Unfortunately with all of the changes, I haven't been able to dedicate myself at all to working out or eating right. Let me rephrase that (taking accountability here), I haven't wanted to dedicate myself to working out. The gym here is 24/7 so there is really no excuse why I couldn't do what I needed to do. But, I just didn't. I've been eating all the wrong foods and not working out at all. So, I'm blaming me and no one else.
And I also know I've promised before that I would get better with my blogging, and I haven't. There was a lack of dedication in this department as well. I will say, though, I have definitely missed those of you who do read my blog. I apologize, and I will be better -- FOR REAL, FOR REAL this time.
Today I watched a movie called Disfigured (2008) that definitely got my thinking up. It was about a really fat (no PC here) girl and an anorexic girl, their relationship with each other and the outside world, and the surprisingly common threads between the two. I would recommend you check it out. It is an Indie film and you can tell by the picture quality, some acting quality, etc. It does have a good message, though.
In case you aren't aware - there are three (that I know of - correct me if I'm wrong) eating disorders. Lack of eating (anorexia), binging and vomiting (bulimia), and overeating. What does it mean if you have any of these issues? It means you have a PROBLEM. Me personally, I'm an overeater. I'm addicted to food and while I'm not sure why (psychological issue), I know that it is a problem. One of the purposes of this blog is to share with you the ups and downs of food addiction and how to try and battle it if this is an issue you're facing.
The hardest part of kicking a food addiction is unlike drug addiction, alcoholism, or other commonly know addictions, you have to eat food to live. Every single day you have to eat food. So, what it all boils down to is choosing the right food to eat. Very hard to eat a salad when all you're thinking about is a honey bun.
So, I'm restarting this today - that's right TODAY (Sunday 8/8/10). I'm going to actually go to the gym tomorrow, and what's more, I'm going to cut my food down to more healthy portions. I don't think I will go to the calorie counting extreme because as I discussed in another post, that's too extreme for me right now. I don't want to deprive myself. I'd rather make healthier substitutions and go from there.
So, wish me luck as I embark on this journey once again...
Be Honest With Yourself About Your Weight Problem
I didn't do very much working out this weekend. As a matter of fact, I didn't do any working out. However, that's not what this post is about. I want to talk about something that's real. Yes, it may make many of you uncomfortable, but it must be said.
A few days ago, I was in the car listening to the radio. I think it may have been a Russ Parr segment, but I'm not certain. At any rate, they were talking about people motivating their friends to lose weight. That sounds simple enough, right? Well, that's wrong, and I want to take more of what they said and expand upon it to let you know just how important it is to get past that fluff and into the healthy lifestyle you deserve.
One of the reasons that there are so many obese people in this country is because everyone got lazy. Parents got lazy and stopped preparing meals at home for their children. Instead, they ran through the drive-thru at McDonald's and got them some Chicken McNuggets. Now, that's not to say that there'e anything wrong with food from Mickey D's (or any other fast food restaurant for that matter). The key here is moderation. Anything not done in moderation is BAD! To rephrase it...too much of anything is a bad thing. So when you're driving to McDonald's or Burger King 3x a week, please know that you are really doing your children a disservice.
I won't put all of the blame on parents, though. Because, when children grow into teens and adults, they are most likely able to make their own food choices. Instead of then learning to cook for themselves, they continue the same destructive lifestyle their parents put them on and eat fast food everyday.
***Before I go on, I want to let you all know that I am a LOVER of fast food. I could probably eat out every day of the week, and I have done it before, because I am lazy. So, I'm not just pointing the finger at you, I'm pointing that same finger at myself.***
The next problem is that society only presents you with one of two extremes -- either you're badmouthed by those around you and they further kick down your self esteem or you are surrounded by family/friends who don't want to hurt you and they use "fluff" words to make you feel like your situation is not as bad as it really is. For instance (and this was taken from that radio show I was watching), they may say things like:
"My friend is a little heavyset."
"My friend is plus-sized."
"My friend is thick." (my all time favorite)
Your friend/family member has good intentions. They don't want to see you hurt, so they offer you this "fluff" to try to make things appear more sunny. Well, you should ignore those words when you hear them. This will not help you reach the point where you need to be in order to get in shape and lose weight. See the truth for what it really is. You are overweight. You have to do something about it. If you don't do anything about it, you can/will DIE. It's serious business. Take your life into your own hands, and don't let other's continue to build you up (as strange as this sounds) because they are unconsciously doing you much more harm than good.
Write down your flaws, write down the excuses that held you back from losing weight, and counteract each of them with a statement of change. You will be surprised at how powerful you will be on this journey to lose weight.
She's Baaaaccckkkk!
Sorry it's been so long since my last update. Here's a video to hold you over. I will be putting up more very soon (see video to learn more).
Highlights from video:
- New 5K time accomplishment (44 mins)
- Will be trying 5K challenge again in a few weeks
- My current workout
- Walking in the park
- Job hunting
- Tips coming down to help you lose weight
- Look for another blog post by Monday at the latest
Beat My Time on the 5K
I'll keep this post short and sweet for the sake of both of our time...
Today I completed the 5K in 45 mins - which about halfway to my goal of shaving about 10 mins off the original time of 50 mins. I burned just over 500 calories, but I didn't get a picture because I accidentally pressed reset 2x on the machine. Needless to say, I was pretty frustrated about that.
I did feel good today, though, for the first time I actually broke a small sweat while working out, and I pushed myself. Tomorrow will be even better. My goal is 43 minutes or less. Granted, that's only 2 minutes off the time, but it's major progress for me, and is only a little way away from the 40 minute or less goal I have set for myself by the end of the week.
I will keep you posted. Keep reading, and tell all your friends. LOL
Losing It with Jillian Michaels
Today I watched a good portion of the new show "Losing It with Jillian Michaels". The show was actually very good. It involved her going to people's homes and "whipping them into shape". I'm a huge fan of Jillian's and have been watching "The Biggest Loser" since 2008 or so. So her method of working out was not shock to me. As a matter of fact, I felt she played it easier on the family she visited than those she trains on the ranch. She spends 5 days with the family and tries to help them get past their issues that may have kept them in the kitchen and out of the gym. Here's a brief clip:
In it, she has the family in the fitness center where they share their goals with each other. Each member of the family has their own struggles and Jillian helps them to get past those issues. The premiere will re-air on NBC tonight (check your local listings) or you can view it online here.
I should be making it to the gym tonight, so I will post again later. TTFN!
Video on Cutting Back
I felt like doing something a bit different today...so here's a video (side note: this is the first vid I've EVER uploaded to YouTube):
I hope you enjoy and I'll TTYL! :-)
And no, I didn't make it to the gym today, but I'm going to kick butt tomorrow - for real! LOL
5K + New Calorie Burn Record!
Today, I did two things I had never done before.
(1) I completed a 5K (equal to 3.2 miles) in my workout on the treadclimber. Here's the proof:
(A) Part I (2.36 miles, 388 calories):
(B) Part II (0.93 miles, 148 calories):
(2) I burned 536 calories (see proof above)
This is probably one of the biggest milestones I've reached because it was me beating two records at once, and it has fueled me for my workouts for the rest of the week. So, all week the plan is to do the treadclimber and work out a 5K or better each time. Today it took me 50 minutes to do it (keep in mind this is the treadclimber - not the treadmill). I plan to do better on this time by the end of the week. My goal is to be able to do it in 40 minutes. I will keep you all posted on my progress toward that goal as each day goes on.
In other news, this was the holiday weekend - a scary time for any food addict. And in case you're wondering, yes I succumbed to the pressure to overeat. The food was too good to simply pass up. One day (not sure when) in the future, I plan to be strong enough to be able to fight those temptations, but for now, I can only take my food issues day by day. I refuse to let myself fail again by going cold turkey and cutting out all of the yummy foods I love so much. Hey -- I'm a work in progress here...
Prepping for the Holidays
Well, I ended up going to the gym last night and burned 265 calories...
Today, I did not go at all, though. I didn't eat a whole lot - just a fiber bar, some cereal, and a chicken sandwich and fries from Hotshots. I resisted the temptation to eat out for lunch - which is a HUGE step in the right direction. Me learning how to say no is the first step to combating this food addiction I'm convinced that I have.
Other than that, today was fairly low-key all things considered. This is the holiday weekend, so I'm sure I will continue to be tempted, and I may just have to give in. I mean, I can't see myself passing up BBQ. However, I will try to participate in the holiday festivities only in moderation because if I overdo it, that will make it that much simpler to slip back into a state of addiction, and that will set me back 10 steps.
I've been getting on the scale more often that I should and when I weighed yesterday, I was up 2 pounds to 242. This is extremely difficult for me to bear, but as I posted yesterday, I'm into my tester capris, so all is going well.
The pool is officially open as well. I wish my body was in better shape for this season, but hey, all I can realistically hope is that by the time summer rolls around next year, I will be in tip-top shape and able to sport the sexier swimwear.
Here's to the holiday weekend!
Low Key Day
So today has been pretty low-key. I haven't been to the gym and probably will not go, but I did hit yet another milestone in my weight loss journey and I just wanted to share.
This morning I put on my tester capris. Why do I call them tester capris, you ask? Well, it's really quite simple --- I use them to test whether I'm losing inches. Normally (before I started working out), they don't fit. Today though, I was able to put them on. Even though they were not very loose, they did fit. Like with most other things, that may not be a big deal, but to me, it is.
I just wanted to share...
A New Milestone: 450 Calories!
I want to keep this post pretty short and sweet...
Tonight the hubby didn't get off work until late, so we didn't keep our normal gym schedule. However, we still went, and boy did we go!
I burned 450 calories! And on the treadmill no less! This was not on the treadclimber like normal...this was a full workout. And to think I didn't even feel like going, but somehow managed to burned the most calories EVER today!
Here's proof:
That is all people! Thanks so much for reading and have a great night!
No Wrists - No Ankles - No Kidding?
For quite some time, I knew didn't have ankles. I had even got to the point of embracing my "cankles". But, I never thought about the fact that I don't have wrists. So earlier today, I was looking at a picture of my wrists (or lack thereof) and was surprised to see the truth. Is there even an affectionate name for the wristless? Probably not, and you know why --- because it's not cute or attractive.
As I'm typing this post, I thought back to the movie "Ray" with Jamie Foxx where he was showing how Ray Charles would feel a woman's wrist to see if she's attractive or not. If he were to try to feel my wrist, he would be very disappointed, even though I have grown to see myself as an attractive young lady. It's hard to look and yourself and realize what your weight has done to your body -- especially if you're someone who has lived in denial for a good portion of your bigger life. I was in denial about me gaining weight, I made false promises to myself, etc.
For instance, I can recall being as small as a size 16 (probably not terribly small to most of you, but I'm in a size 20 now). I also remember outgrowing the 16s and moving into 18s. At that point, I would tell myself, I won't get bigger than an 18. That was the size I was when I went to prom my junior year of high school. Needless to say, I got past that point. I also remember the time I maintained a weight of 205 pounds. When I got on Depo-Provera (the birth control shot), my weight quickly ballooned up to 220 pounds over the course of one year. My doctor took me off of that method after finding this out. I dropped the weight almost instantly. After that, I stuck between 205-215 for quite some time. I had actually convinced myself that I couldn't get any bigger than that regardless of how much I ate. Well, I was wrong...
Now I can't seem to break out of 240. The lowest weight I've been in recent years is 227 pounds. All of this is keeping me in a size 20. I never thought I would go above 18, but once again, I was wrong...
It is a struggle to lose this weight, but then again, I didn't put it on overnight, so I can't expect to lose it overnight. I know that saying is pretty cliche', but it's very appropriate. All of the years I spent spiraling out of control are coming back to bite me in the butt now (literally LOL).
On the upside, I did burn 348 calories at the gym yesterday (no proof this time). I could have done better, but I was getting a bit tired from upping my resistance on the treadclimber. I did the fat burning exercise with my low at level 3 (elliptical movement) and my high on level 10 (climbing). It will probably take me a while to get the hang of this...
371 Calories Burned BUT Meal Plan Way Off
So, today, I burned 371 calories (see proof below)! I'm excited because even though this is not my greatest, it's definitely a good start to this week.
On the other hand, my eating was a bit out of control today. Sure, the quantities are smaller than what I would get in the past, but the actual food that I took in was not cool.
Breakfast
Frosted Flakes (of corn)
Lunch
Baconzilla burger
Medium fry
Diet Coke
(Rally's)
Snack
Slice of chocolate chip cookie cake with icing and sprinkles (WAAAYYYY BAD!)
Dinner
Flame grilled chicken sandwich
Fries
Strawberry cooler / slush
(Culver's)
My meal plan was definitely not on point. I have to do better tomorrow. No excuses!
Stepping Outside of My Comfort Zone
Today I did something different...not completely different, but different for me. Me and the hubby went to the park instead of going to the gym. This probably doesn't seem like such a big deal, but there were many times during this exercise that I actually RAN. Once again, that may not sound like much, but let me give you a bit of background as to why this is so very important to me...
From the time I was a small child (maybe age 5 or so) until about 12, I was a VERY active person. I was always outside, playing sports, riding my bike, or doing something that involved some sort of physical exertion. This means, of course, that I was in shape. Now, though, I'm a much less than active -- I just started going to the gym less than two weeks ago. It felt good to run, albeit in spurts. I felt more empowered. The only tricky thing about running / walking in the park is that you aren't able to keep track of your calories/distance as you go along. - which normally serves as my inspiration to keep going. As I see the number grow, the pain fades and it becomes "easy".
That's really it as far as fitness is concerned today. I didn't necessarily eat too healthy. Here's what I ate (sorry I'm not counting calories right now):
Breakfast
Skipped
Lunch
Grilled Chicken Sourdough Sandwich
Medium French Fry
Medium Sweet Tea
(Jack in the Box)
Snack
Approximately 1/8 bag of Archer Farms Smoky Bacon & Cheddar baked chips
Dinner
Two cheeseburgers (would have had fries with this but the fries were disgusting lol)
So, yeah, overall today was not the greatest day for health and fitness, but I did make some big strides and I plan to keep on going. :-)
165 Calories + Food Addiction
So, just a quick update on my progress today: I burned 165 calories at the gym (not very much at all compared to my history, but something beats nothing all the time). Other than that, this day has not been too eventful.
On from that...today I wanted to share a quick story about food addiction. You see, being addicted to food is not like any other addiction in this world. If you've spent any time around anyone who was truly addicted (or even thought they were addicted, you've probably heard that before). The reason this is so is because food is a requirement to live. You can be a crackhead, alcoholic, etc. and while it may seem like it's impossible to live life without those things, you REALLY can. You have to eat, though. There's no getting around it. If you don't eat, you can die. You will not die for skipping the crackpipe or bottle.
So, imagine how difficult it is to deal with an addiction that you MUST face each and every day. Imagine the willpower required to kick your bad habits. I'm guilty of overeating on many occasions. I won't lie to you. I'm not one of those fat people who got fat just because. I got fat because I like to eat and I eat a lot. I'm also an emotional eater, and that struggle is no fun I tell you. When I'm stressed (this was usually the case at my last job), I eat, and eat, and eat. Literally, I could take down a 10 pack of granola bars in the course of an 8 hour day at work and still be longing for so much more. When I would eat, I would feel better control in my situation. At work, I was pretty powerless, but now that I'm no longer there, it has lifted the burden a bit. I'm not so stressed which makes it easier to eat more logical meals and portions. I think of this as food addiction. While I have not been officially "diagnosed" with this condition, I believe that I am. Anyone that knows me knows I used the phrase "the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have a problem". So, I'm halfway there without going to any FAA (food addicts anonymous) meetings or anything. Baby steps, right?
Today I Did Nothing...But Not All is Lost
I didn't do anything in particular today. While I tried to eat reasonable meals (diets don't really work for me all that well - more about that later), I didn't go to the gym and burn calories...which is cool because I have been working out since last Tuesday (5/11/10) with only one other day in between. So, I'm not at all worried about getting back on the "wagon" because technically I'm not off. I have a gym membership that's actually being paid for each month. With me being unemployed and money so tight, I need to be actively using it. And that's exactly what I will do.
My biggest pitfall for today was eating some potato chips. I'm not normally a big chip person, but I got these as my snack. They are Archer Farms Baked Bacon & Cheddar chips...and I've got to tell you, they are so good. I've also got to tell you -- I probably ate more than I should have. When I sit and eat -- especially from an un-portioned bag, I'm about 75% more likely to overeat, and that's what happened today. I'm not going to beat myself up about it because tomorrow is another day and I can make better choices.
I'm glad I have the opportunity to make choices about my weight loss. Normally, I'm backed into a corner where I have absolutely no other option than to do things a certain way. I've made this decision to control my weight loss destiny. It will be a heck of a ride...
My Biggest Loser: I Weigh 240 Pounds! YEP! I outed myself... LOL
Hey there!
This is my first post. I want to take a moment to introduce myself and set the stage for what this blog's purpose will be.
As of today, I weigh 240 pounds. Since I started exercising last Tuesday, I've lost 6 pounds. I have gone up and down between 230ish and 250ish over the last year and a half or so. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that this is NOT a healthy weight on my approximately 5'2" frame. Don't get it twisted, I have always been and will always be a plus sized girl. I don't want to be thin (or even remotely close). However, I do want to be healthy. I do want to be able to play with the kid(s) I will have one day and not be winded. I do want to be able to do things that "NORMAL" people can do.
Before I get to far, though, I want you to know that this is not a decision I made on my own. This primarily stems from a conversation with my husband (who has lost an ungodly amount of weight). For those of you who don't know, he's a very frank person. He will always keep it 100%, and I love that quality - probably most of all. He told me that my weight was too much for my body (SURPRISE! LOL) and he wanted me to get more healthy. He didn't ridicule me and tell me that I was fat and nasty (although that has been my thought since I was in high school), but he did let me know that I needed to make a change or else...
So, now we're here. I've been working out for a little over a week (signed up for my gym membership on 5/11/10). I'm still pushing on and determined to battle my goals each day. I want each new day to be either as good as or better than (preferable) the day before. I am a work in progress, though, so we'll see how it goes. I really don't have a goal weight at this point...hopefully that will come later.
Now for my commitment to you: I will blog either every day or every other day to report on my behaviors - including my workout routine, food intake, etc. I want & need your prayers, comments, praise, smackdown, whatever you've got. I want to be here to help inspire you, teach you, and show you that not everyone is perfect.