No Wrists - No Ankles - No Kidding?

For quite some time, I knew didn't have ankles. I had even got to the point of embracing my "cankles". But, I never thought about the fact that I don't have wrists. So earlier today, I was looking at a picture of my wrists (or lack thereof) and was surprised to see the truth. Is there even an affectionate name for the wristless? Probably not, and you know why --- because it's not cute or attractive.

As I'm typing this post, I thought back to the movie "Ray" with Jamie Foxx where he was showing how Ray Charles would feel a woman's wrist to see if she's attractive or not. If he were to try to feel my wrist, he would be very disappointed, even though I have grown to see myself as an attractive young lady. It's hard to look and yourself and realize what your weight has done to your body -- especially if you're someone who has lived in denial for a good portion of your bigger life. I was in denial about me gaining weight, I made false promises to myself, etc.

For instance, I can recall being as small as a size 16 (probably not terribly small to most of you, but I'm in a size 20 now). I also remember outgrowing the 16s and moving into 18s. At that point, I would tell myself, I won't get bigger than an 18. That was the size I was when I went to prom my junior year of high school. Needless to say, I got past that point. I also remember the time I maintained a weight of 205 pounds. When I got on Depo-Provera (the birth control shot), my weight quickly ballooned up to 220 pounds over the course of one year. My doctor took me off of that method after finding this out. I dropped the weight almost instantly. After that, I stuck between 205-215 for quite some time. I had actually convinced myself that I couldn't get any bigger than that regardless of how much I ate. Well, I was wrong...

Now I can't seem to break out of 240. The lowest weight I've been in recent years is 227 pounds. All of this is keeping me in a size 20. I never thought I would go above 18, but once again, I was wrong...

It is a struggle to lose this weight, but then again, I didn't put it on overnight, so I can't expect to lose it overnight. I know that saying is pretty cliche', but it's very appropriate. All of the years I spent spiraling out of control are coming back to bite me in the butt now (literally LOL).

On the upside, I did burn 348 calories at the gym yesterday (no proof this time). I could have done better, but I was getting a bit tired from upping my resistance on the treadclimber. I did the fat burning exercise with my low at level 3 (elliptical movement) and my high on level 10 (climbing). It will probably take me a while to get the hang of this...