Quick Update!

Sorry for not posting for a while. I'm still here. I haven't been dieting or sticking to a workout schedule (surprise, right?). I did, however, download MyFitnessPal to my Droid, and I'm going to start keeping track of things very soon. When exactly? I can't say for sure because I don't want to keep setting myself up for failure. But, bear with me as I keep trying.

Here's a comment that I received to my post on Tyler's 344pounds.com site:

"When I’m obese I know the mechanics of how to lose weight, but I haven’t the heart.

Then something in my life will trigger that switch in my mind that is turned on and PRESTO I become motivated and get it in gear.

For Tyler it was the birth of his baby girl. For me it has varied, I have an milestone birthday coming up next year and I don’t want to hate myself for being overweight anymore. I’ve lost 50 pounds since January and my quality of life is much better now, even though I’ll still overweight according to my BMI.

You’re not ready, till you have your heart and mind committed to changing – until then just do your best to be super supportive of your husband!"

This was in response to my complete breakdown on his blog. I think it's very true. I'm obviously not ready, but at the same time, I need a way to clear this food addiction. I'm going to get involved in some Food Addicts Anonymous meetings - there is actually a session scheduled for tomorrow at 10 AM CST. I think I will call in and hopefully get some inspiration. The good news is they have the meetings every single day. So, I think this will be helpful. I will post to let you know what I have learned from the call. The website suggests attending at least 6 meetings before dismissing it. So, that's exactly what I will do.

Thanks everyone for reading, and please bear with me as I work to get myself on the right track!

Trying to Lose Weight is Hard

I'm one of those "weight loss bloggers". So, naturally, you would think that I have it all together like many others out there. I'm far, far, far from together. As a matter of fact, I was near tears the other day talking about the journey ahead. I was in tears because it's HARD. Even though I have a husband who has lost an entire person, it's still hard for me because I'm so scared to let go of the foods I love the most.

I can exercise and even cut back. But, when it comes to cutting out the foods that I love most, I struggle. The other day I did reach my time goal for working out. But, I have been eating like a pig here lately. I really wish I could get down to the bottom of what my food issue is, but for some reason, I just can't. I'm in this body and I can't stop eating those foods. Sure, I know they taste good - but is that the only reason that I can't stop eating? Or is there something deeper there?

It's almost easier to say that I will opt for the gastric bypass surgery, but I will feel like I'm taking the easy way out. I do wonder, though - will I EVER be able to take the "hard way out"?

Just some thoughts....

I'm going to bed.

I'm Back After Over a Month of Slacking!

Well, quite a bit has unfolded in my personal life. Career changes, living arrangement changes, relationship changes, friendship changes, and pretty much anything you can imagine. You name it, I've lived through it in this short amount of time. Actually, there's one thing I haven't changed - my WEIGHT!

Unfortunately with all of the changes, I haven't been able to dedicate myself at all to working out or eating right. Let me rephrase that (taking accountability here), I haven't wanted to dedicate myself to working out. The gym here is 24/7 so there is really no excuse why I couldn't do what I needed to do. But, I just didn't. I've been eating all the wrong foods and not working out at all. So, I'm blaming me and no one else.

And I also know I've promised before that I would get better with my blogging, and I haven't. There was a lack of dedication in this department as well. I will say, though, I have definitely missed those of you who do read my blog. I apologize, and I will be better -- FOR REAL, FOR REAL this time.

Today I watched a movie called Disfigured (2008) that definitely got my thinking up. It was about a really fat (no PC here) girl and an anorexic girl, their relationship with each other and the outside world, and the surprisingly common threads between the two. I would recommend you check it out. It is an Indie film and you can tell by the picture quality, some acting quality, etc. It does have a good message, though.

In case you aren't aware - there are three (that I know of - correct me if I'm wrong) eating disorders. Lack of eating (anorexia), binging and vomiting (bulimia), and overeating. What does it mean if you have any of these issues? It means you have a PROBLEM. Me personally, I'm an overeater. I'm addicted to food and while I'm not sure why (psychological issue), I know that it is a problem. One of the purposes of this blog is to share with you the ups and downs of food addiction and how to try and battle it if this is an issue you're facing.

The hardest part of kicking a food addiction is unlike drug addiction, alcoholism, or other commonly know addictions, you have to eat food to live. Every single day you have to eat food. So, what it all boils down to is choosing the right food to eat. Very hard to eat a salad when all you're thinking about is a honey bun.

So, I'm restarting this today - that's right TODAY (Sunday 8/8/10). I'm going to actually go to the gym tomorrow, and what's more, I'm going to cut my food down to more healthy portions. I don't think I will go to the calorie counting extreme because as I discussed in another post, that's too extreme for me right now. I don't want to deprive myself. I'd rather make healthier substitutions and go from there.

So, wish me luck as I embark on this journey once again...

She's Baaaaccckkkk!

Sorry it's been so long since my last update. Here's a video to hold you over. I will be putting up more very soon (see video to learn more).



Highlights from video:

- New 5K time accomplishment (44 mins)
- Will be trying 5K challenge again in a few weeks
- My current workout
- Walking in the park
- Job hunting
- Tips coming down to help you lose weight
- Look for another blog post by Monday at the latest

371 Calories Burned BUT Meal Plan Way Off

So, today, I burned 371 calories (see proof below)! I'm excited because even though this is not my greatest, it's definitely a good start to this week.

On the other hand, my eating was a bit out of control today. Sure, the quantities are smaller than what I would get in the past, but the actual food that I took in was not cool.

Breakfast

Frosted Flakes (of corn)

Lunch
Baconzilla burger
Medium fry
Diet Coke
(Rally's)

Snack
Slice of chocolate chip cookie cake with icing and sprinkles (WAAAYYYY BAD!)

Dinner
Flame grilled chicken sandwich
Fries
Strawberry cooler / slush
(Culver's)

My meal plan was definitely not on point. I have to do better tomorrow. No excuses!

Today I Did Nothing...But Not All is Lost

I didn't do anything in particular today. While I tried to eat reasonable meals (diets don't really work for me all that well - more about that later), I didn't go to the gym and burn calories...which is cool because I have been working out since last Tuesday (5/11/10) with only one other day in between. So, I'm not at all worried about getting back on the "wagon" because technically I'm not off. I have a gym membership that's actually being paid for each month. With me being unemployed and money so tight, I need to be actively using it. And that's exactly what I will do.

My biggest pitfall for today was eating some potato chips. I'm not normally a big chip person, but I got these as my snack. They are Archer Farms Baked Bacon & Cheddar chips...and I've got to tell you, they are so good. I've also got to tell you -- I probably ate more than I should have. When I sit and eat -- especially from an un-portioned bag, I'm about 75% more likely to overeat, and that's what happened today. I'm not going to beat myself up about it because tomorrow is another day and I can make better choices.

I'm glad I have the opportunity to make choices about my weight loss. Normally, I'm backed into a corner where I have absolutely no other option than to do things a certain way. I've made this decision to control my weight loss destiny. It will be a heck of a ride...