Today was a MAJOR CHEAT DAY!

I went to Ponderosa. I ate out of the buffet. I don't know if it's because I haven't ate a lot of food in a while or what, but it was delicious. I had three plates. I know what you all may be thinking - way to exercise self-control, right? Well, you would be right for the most part. I went to a wedding today and afterward, everyone agreed to go to Ponderosa. So, here I was caught in the middle of wanting to stay home so that I can safely calculate each and every point I eat or go out with the family and enjoy myself. Well, the reality of it is, I will always be faced with these situations. The key is how I react to them. If I overeat (like I obviously did today), I owe it to myself to eat light the next day and work out more than I would have.

Hopefully you grabbed one of the keywords from the last sentence there. OWE. If you remember in a recent blog post, I discussed loving food more than myself. Well, in order to owe yourself something, you have to think that you are worth something. While it's true that I do love food. I can now say I love myself more. That, my friends, is progress.

I won't keep too much of your time on this post because I will be writing something that we all can learn from during the day tomorrow. I just wanted to briefly share that I cheated (and if you do this, it's ok), but I'm growing from the experience and learning who's really in charge (me!).

Talk to you soon!

Learning to Love ME is the KEY!

Ok, so I know I said I was going to sleep, but I just had an epiphany. I was reading the blog over at 344pounds.com and Tyler was discussing how there is no easy way to lose weight. It takes extreme dedication to the cause. Well, I started commenting about the blog post I just wrote about weight loss being hard. Before I knew it, I completely went off on a tangent (well, a relevant tangent) about the blog post I wrote here and how hard it is. I talked about how I didn't want to give up the "bad foods" that are really good foods to me. Then, I dropped the bomb...

I LOVE FOOD MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF!

Believe it or not, this is not the surprise. The surprise came when I said that I didn't want to let go of the foods I love because then I would be stuck loving me. Those are some pretty strong words. For some reason, I'm afraid to love myself. For some reason, my self-esteem is so low that I can't bring myself to love the one person that I have no other choice than to spend the rest of my life with.

There's something really wrong here, and I think that this is the reason for so many other hiccups in my life here lately. I've got to work on me, and I definitely need to totally cut those "bad foods" out. Why? Because I need to FORCE myself to love myself. As ridiculous as that may sound, it's true. I'm being very real, very open, and very true here. I've got to stop living in denial and start making the necessary changes to stop being afraid to love me.

Ok, for real, I'm going to bed now. I will keep you all posted on my progress.