Prepping for the Holidays

Well, I ended up going to the gym last night and burned 265 calories...

Today, I did not go at all, though. I didn't eat a whole lot - just a fiber bar, some cereal, and a chicken sandwich and fries from Hotshots. I resisted the temptation to eat out for lunch - which is a HUGE step in the right direction. Me learning how to say no is the first step to combating this food addiction I'm convinced that I have.

Other than that, today was fairly low-key all things considered. This is the holiday weekend, so I'm sure I will continue to be tempted, and I may just have to give in. I mean, I can't see myself passing up BBQ. However, I will try to participate in the holiday festivities only in moderation because if I overdo it, that will make it that much simpler to slip back into a state of addiction, and that will set me back 10 steps.

I've been getting on the scale more often that I should and when I weighed yesterday, I was up 2 pounds to 242. This is extremely difficult for me to bear, but as I posted yesterday, I'm into my tester capris, so all is going well.

The pool is officially open as well. I wish my body was in better shape for this season, but hey, all I can realistically hope is that by the time summer rolls around next year, I will be in tip-top shape and able to sport the sexier swimwear.

Here's to the holiday weekend!

Low Key Day

So today has been pretty low-key. I haven't been to the gym and probably will not go, but I did hit yet another milestone in my weight loss journey and I just wanted to share.

This morning I put on my tester capris. Why do I call them tester capris, you ask? Well, it's really quite simple --- I use them to test whether I'm losing inches. Normally (before I started working out), they don't fit. Today though, I was able to put them on. Even though they were not very loose, they did fit. Like with most other things, that may not be a big deal, but to me, it is.

I just wanted to share...

A New Milestone: 450 Calories!

I want to keep this post pretty short and sweet...

Tonight the hubby didn't get off work until late, so we didn't keep our normal gym schedule. However, we still went, and boy did we go!

I burned 450 calories! And on the treadmill no less! This was not on the treadclimber like normal...this was a full workout. And to think I didn't even feel like going, but somehow managed to burned the most calories EVER today!

Here's proof:

That is all people! Thanks so much for reading and have a great night!

No Wrists - No Ankles - No Kidding?

For quite some time, I knew didn't have ankles. I had even got to the point of embracing my "cankles". But, I never thought about the fact that I don't have wrists. So earlier today, I was looking at a picture of my wrists (or lack thereof) and was surprised to see the truth. Is there even an affectionate name for the wristless? Probably not, and you know why --- because it's not cute or attractive.

As I'm typing this post, I thought back to the movie "Ray" with Jamie Foxx where he was showing how Ray Charles would feel a woman's wrist to see if she's attractive or not. If he were to try to feel my wrist, he would be very disappointed, even though I have grown to see myself as an attractive young lady. It's hard to look and yourself and realize what your weight has done to your body -- especially if you're someone who has lived in denial for a good portion of your bigger life. I was in denial about me gaining weight, I made false promises to myself, etc.

For instance, I can recall being as small as a size 16 (probably not terribly small to most of you, but I'm in a size 20 now). I also remember outgrowing the 16s and moving into 18s. At that point, I would tell myself, I won't get bigger than an 18. That was the size I was when I went to prom my junior year of high school. Needless to say, I got past that point. I also remember the time I maintained a weight of 205 pounds. When I got on Depo-Provera (the birth control shot), my weight quickly ballooned up to 220 pounds over the course of one year. My doctor took me off of that method after finding this out. I dropped the weight almost instantly. After that, I stuck between 205-215 for quite some time. I had actually convinced myself that I couldn't get any bigger than that regardless of how much I ate. Well, I was wrong...

Now I can't seem to break out of 240. The lowest weight I've been in recent years is 227 pounds. All of this is keeping me in a size 20. I never thought I would go above 18, but once again, I was wrong...

It is a struggle to lose this weight, but then again, I didn't put it on overnight, so I can't expect to lose it overnight. I know that saying is pretty cliche', but it's very appropriate. All of the years I spent spiraling out of control are coming back to bite me in the butt now (literally LOL).

On the upside, I did burn 348 calories at the gym yesterday (no proof this time). I could have done better, but I was getting a bit tired from upping my resistance on the treadclimber. I did the fat burning exercise with my low at level 3 (elliptical movement) and my high on level 10 (climbing). It will probably take me a while to get the hang of this...

371 Calories Burned BUT Meal Plan Way Off

So, today, I burned 371 calories (see proof below)! I'm excited because even though this is not my greatest, it's definitely a good start to this week.

On the other hand, my eating was a bit out of control today. Sure, the quantities are smaller than what I would get in the past, but the actual food that I took in was not cool.

Breakfast

Frosted Flakes (of corn)

Lunch
Baconzilla burger
Medium fry
Diet Coke
(Rally's)

Snack
Slice of chocolate chip cookie cake with icing and sprinkles (WAAAYYYY BAD!)

Dinner
Flame grilled chicken sandwich
Fries
Strawberry cooler / slush
(Culver's)

My meal plan was definitely not on point. I have to do better tomorrow. No excuses!

Stepping Outside of My Comfort Zone

Today I did something different...not completely different, but different for me. Me and the hubby went to the park instead of going to the gym. This probably doesn't seem like such a big deal, but there were many times during this exercise that I actually RAN. Once again, that may not sound like much, but let me give you a bit of background as to why this is so very important to me...

From the time I was a small child (maybe age 5 or so) until about 12, I was a VERY active person. I was always outside, playing sports, riding my bike, or doing something that involved some sort of physical exertion. This means, of course, that I was in shape. Now, though, I'm a much less than active -- I just started going to the gym less than two weeks ago. It felt good to run, albeit in spurts. I felt more empowered. The only tricky thing about running / walking in the park is that you aren't able to keep track of your calories/distance as you go along. - which normally serves as my inspiration to keep going. As I see the number grow, the pain fades and it becomes "easy". 

That's really it as far as fitness is concerned today. I didn't necessarily eat too healthy. Here's what I ate (sorry I'm not counting calories right now):

Breakfast

Skipped

Lunch

Grilled Chicken Sourdough Sandwich

Medium French Fry

Medium Sweet Tea

(Jack in the Box)

Snack

Approximately 1/8 bag of Archer Farms Smoky Bacon & Cheddar baked chips

Dinner

Two cheeseburgers (would have had fries with this but the fries were disgusting lol)

So, yeah, overall today was not the greatest day for health and fitness, but I did make some big strides and I plan to keep on going. :-)

165 Calories + Food Addiction

So, just a quick update on my progress today: I burned 165 calories at the gym (not very much at all compared to my history, but something beats nothing all the time). Other than that, this day has not been too eventful.

On from that...today I wanted to share a quick story about food addiction. You see, being addicted to food is not like any other addiction in this world. If you've spent any time around anyone who was truly addicted (or even thought they were addicted, you've probably heard that before). The reason this is so is because food is a requirement to live. You can be a crackhead, alcoholic, etc. and while it may seem like it's impossible to live life without those things, you REALLY can. You have to eat, though. There's no getting around it. If you don't eat, you can die. You will not die for skipping the crackpipe or bottle.

So, imagine how difficult it is to deal with an addiction that you MUST face each and every day. Imagine the willpower required to kick your bad habits. I'm guilty of overeating on many occasions. I won't lie to you. I'm not one of those fat people who got fat just because. I got fat because I like to eat and I eat a lot. I'm also an emotional eater, and that struggle is no fun I tell you. When I'm stressed (this was usually the case at my last job), I eat, and eat, and eat. Literally, I could take down a 10 pack of granola bars in the course of an 8 hour day at work and still be longing for so much more. When I would eat, I would feel better control in my situation. At work, I was pretty powerless, but now that I'm no longer there, it has lifted the burden a bit. I'm not so stressed which makes it easier to eat more logical meals and portions. I think of this as food addiction. While I have not been officially "diagnosed" with this condition, I believe that I am. Anyone that knows me knows I used the phrase "the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have a problem". So, I'm halfway there without going to any FAA (food addicts anonymous) meetings or anything. Baby steps, right?

Today I Did Nothing...But Not All is Lost

I didn't do anything in particular today. While I tried to eat reasonable meals (diets don't really work for me all that well - more about that later), I didn't go to the gym and burn calories...which is cool because I have been working out since last Tuesday (5/11/10) with only one other day in between. So, I'm not at all worried about getting back on the "wagon" because technically I'm not off. I have a gym membership that's actually being paid for each month. With me being unemployed and money so tight, I need to be actively using it. And that's exactly what I will do.

My biggest pitfall for today was eating some potato chips. I'm not normally a big chip person, but I got these as my snack. They are Archer Farms Baked Bacon & Cheddar chips...and I've got to tell you, they are so good. I've also got to tell you -- I probably ate more than I should have. When I sit and eat -- especially from an un-portioned bag, I'm about 75% more likely to overeat, and that's what happened today. I'm not going to beat myself up about it because tomorrow is another day and I can make better choices.

I'm glad I have the opportunity to make choices about my weight loss. Normally, I'm backed into a corner where I have absolutely no other option than to do things a certain way. I've made this decision to control my weight loss destiny. It will be a heck of a ride...

My Biggest Loser: I Weigh 240 Pounds! YEP! I outed myself... LOL

Hey there!

This is my first post. I want to take a moment to introduce myself and set the stage for what this blog's purpose will be.

As of today, I weigh 240 pounds. Since I started exercising last Tuesday, I've lost 6 pounds. I have gone up and down between 230ish and 250ish over the last year and a half or so. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that this is NOT a healthy weight on my approximately 5'2" frame. Don't get it twisted, I have always been and will always be a plus sized girl. I don't want to be thin (or even remotely close). However, I do want to be healthy. I do want to be able to play with the kid(s) I will have one day and not be winded. I do want to be able to do things that "NORMAL" people can do.

Before I get to far, though, I want you to know that this is not a decision I made on my own. This primarily stems from a conversation with my husband (who has lost an ungodly amount of weight). For those of you who don't know, he's a very frank person. He will always keep it 100%, and I love that quality - probably most of all. He told me that my weight was too much for my body (SURPRISE! LOL) and he wanted me to get more healthy. He didn't ridicule me and tell me that I was fat and nasty (although that has been my thought since I was in high school), but he did let me know that I needed to make a change or else...

So, now we're here. I've been working out for a little over a week (signed up for my gym membership on 5/11/10). I'm still pushing on and determined to battle my goals each day. I want each new day to be either as good as or better than (preferable) the day before. I am a work in progress, though, so we'll see how it goes. I really don't have a goal weight at this point...hopefully that will come later.

Now for my commitment to you: I will blog either every day or every other day to report on my behaviors - including my workout routine, food intake, etc. I want & need your prayers, comments, praise, smackdown, whatever you've got. I want to be here to help inspire you, teach you, and show you that not everyone is perfect.